We’re talking goals. Here we are, at part three of four blog posts: What might be wrong with your goals if you’re feeling uninspired, and what to do. Each post (starting here) has common issues and specific questions to get you thinking about answers for yourself.
This one is about support of the right kind, not dependent, but useful and non judgmental … how to choose your “team” and what to do next.
Put Your Hand in the Hand
“I can do it on my own.”
I’m sure you can.
I often find it is not a question of “I don’t know how.”
What happens when you let people in is this. You gain in ways you could not possibly have imagined… because if you don’t do it often, then you have no or little experience asking.
It is scary, takes courage, may not work perfectly your first time out…. and yet is so worth the effort.
Questions to Ask Yourself about Your Goals
To figure out why you are not involving others and whether that’s the right thing … Or if things could be far better, here are some questions.
- Are you slowing down enough before diving into your goal? When we dive, we end up swirling around in our black hole, forgetting what we started this for. And not having enough emotional distance or perspective to know whether someone would be helpful and if so, how, in the best ways for you.
- Do you have so much to manage day-to-day that you can’t find the mental bandwidth or time to even start on this ? A “starter” can help you get going more easily, someone to brainstorm with or do the first step for you.
- Are you doing this goal on your own purely because you want control; be honest with yourself. What does control get you? Managing and controlling are not the same.
- Are you on your own because you don’t know how to involve others, without feeling too dependent, or like you’re asking “too much?”
Suggestions: How to Involve Someone Else
- Look for one who is not a judge but can support, collaborate with you or hold you accountable. This could be a friend who picks you up to go to the gym a few times a week; that’s accountability. Children can support, if you help them figure out what will work for you. A brainstorming partner for your business or someone who has a strength you don’t have. Key is their style in working with you, if this is going to be successful.
- You might want someone to support you for the entire goal, beginning to end. Discussion on a regular basis, brainstorming, accountability …
- Or look at that goal closely: is there one part of the goal that looks most difficult? For example: Getting started. Stepping it out. Changing a habit or a routine to support the goal.
As an example: Last month, I was stuck before I was even out of the gate on a business project. I put it on the agenda for my monthly accountability partner meeting, to help me brainstorm and get started. I also knew that at one point in the project, I’d run into my “usual” obstacle, so we brainstormed on that one, before I’d even arrived at that point! It’s gone beautifully well, because I had the right person to work with, figured out my usual blocks, worked them through … and I wasn’t afraid to ask her for discussion on this.
So add this new step, to reach out when needed, as you map out your goal. Because as you start on the goal, if it’s already on the plan to work with someone else, then it tends to happen more easily.